You realise you haven’t changed a bit, preach the world of how life is to be lived, under a delusion of a transformation, a new enthusiasm. A small expectation slaps you back to reality. Now lament.
Nothing external can change your core values. Nothing outside can scoop those insecure voices in your head into a soft hug and cradle them quiet. What you are left with are recalled nightmares, hollowness, and more expectations. And it breaks the fragile heart.
There has always been a yearning, to rip off all the layers within and expose that raw heart, to the world, entrusting it to understand. But you stand In midst of a no-mans-land, naked as a baby, for the winds and trees to laugh at. And yet, you feel exposed, scared and without guidance.
You realise there are noises either way. When you are alone, and when you are lonely. There has remained very little difference now.
Intuitions and feelings, flip side of a coin, they say. But you know, they kill twice. And to remain in the same state, emotionally as you were years ago disappoints you more. Growth has become accumulation now and that sets inside like cement. Time has only played a trick, refining the end product, the core, still a half-cooked mess.
You are influenced by the strong personalities around you, you mirror their intentions, tastes, opinions all the way. One little expression of personal space and you turn white. Your insides witness fireworks. Now stop! You don’t need those external waterworks. You are stronger than that! We had discussed! Don’t you! You chose this. You always get to choose and this is your choice. So breathe. Assert. There is no more going with the flow now.
I don’t know when you stopped listening and morphed into the damsel you have turned out to be. And it is especially sad when your true potential is greater in a greater dimension. You are not running this rat race. You were never here to impress. But wait no more. You are neither a spectator.
Mediocrity is a choice. And Greatness doesn’t stay in the same room. You have enough reasons to work. You don’t need another day. With a heart like yours and a brain to go with it, you can be, a lot more. The choice is yours.
Think monkey. Think.